does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
