why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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