I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
