Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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