Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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