i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
