My liver just broke up with me...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
try to milk me bitch
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