Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i came on her dog
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
