please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
