Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
