Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
