At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
