You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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