Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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