I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
