All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize