bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
