I hope mine doesn't look like that
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize