Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
