My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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