So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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