I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i now understand why vodka
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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