when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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