I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
