She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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