he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
