i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
