Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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