I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize