Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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