Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
