It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
