Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
