absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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