I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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