drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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