he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
