Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I could fuck to npr.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize