Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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