He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
