I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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