so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
