Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
