Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
