Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
