I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
