This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
