come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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