I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
