today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
