Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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