so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
