In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize