Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
