It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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