Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
