I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We need to get me chipped asap
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
