You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
