maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
