i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
