Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
