I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am spending my child support on dildos
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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