I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize