I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
