i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
