I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
