He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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