420 ftw
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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