Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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