He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize